Oh. Shit.

I’m in so much trouble.

I think I just used my Sexpert voice on him. And it’s not like that’s the voice on the videos or anything because I use the Voice Lift app, but… but the inflection. The rough edges of it. The purring. It’s all her.

And he’s got a weird look on his face now. His brows a little bit scrunched up. His eyes slightly narrowed. And not the half-mast kind like he had back in the stairwell, either. Those were I’m-hot-for-you eyes.

These are… these are I’m-on-to-you eyes.

So I basically have no choice. I pull out every Sexpert video I’ve done in the past year and use my unused, but much-talked-about, skills on him.

I lightly drag my fingernails down his chest as I crouch down and open my legs. I feel myself blushing as I take his cock in both hands and begin to twist and pump him in my palms.

The cold rain hitting our hot skin makes us steam. His eyes are locked with mine as I stare up at him.

And I know what I have to do. I know that the only way to make him forget about who I might be and force him to think about what I’m doing instead is to…


I have given exactly two blow jobs in my entire life. Eden has no clue how to give a man the perfect blowjob.

But Sexpert… well, she’s studied hundreds of porn movies searching for the perfect tips she promotes in her Drawing Cream from a Ding-Dong video.

And she knows just what to do. (Even if she doesn’t quite execute it with one-hundred-percent accuracy.)

I blow on the tip of his cock (tip number three) with exaggerated puckered lips and his eyes go wide. Which is fabulous. Because now he’s thinking about what I’m doing, not who I might sound like.

My tongue darts out and swipes over the small opening while my hands travel up and down his thick, hard shaft. Twisting just enough. Gripping with just the right amount of pressure. (Tips one, four, and seven.)

Rain is still falling down like a backdrop to the apocalypse. Which is perfect. I don’t even have to bring out tip number two. Spitting on my hands to make everything slide a little smoother.

And then, just as lightning shoots through the sky above his head, I take him into my mouth and suck, a crack of thunder making the building shudder.

His hands go to my wet hair. Guiding me with just the right amount of encouragement.

I open wide, so ready to take him fully into my mouth. My tongue is eager, and things are going so well I’m actually making myself horny. And then he’s inside me, the steady pressure of his hands on my head making me want to give him more.

So I do that. And it’s all pretty hot, and I’m feeling very proud of myself, kinda picturing how many women I’ve helped give the perfect blow job since we put this video out and…

And then I gag.

Like I push him away and it takes every ounce of self-control I have not to just throw up.

“Sorry,” I purr, looking up at him—never breaking eye contact, trying to stay in sexy mode. And then I dive back in, my hands still busy twisting and pumping with just a little more pressure, but this time the second his thick, round head enters my mouth, I gag again.

Oh, my God. I suck. I suck at blow jobs! Not in a good way.

And then I gag again just thinking about putting his cock in my mouth.

Quick, Eden. Quick, quick, quick! You need to improvise.

I lick his shaft. Yeah. That was tip number nine. Lick the shaft and cup the balls.

Andrew moans.

He likes it.

I do it again. Dragging my tongue up and down his cock, giving his balls a little squeeze this time.

Another moan!


The Sexpert says the blowjob should last between four and ten minutes. I’m on like minute two, which is unfortunate. Because I can’t think of any more tips.

I really need to take a refresher course.



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EDEN I’m just a simple girl who likes dessert. And sexy men. And social media. So starting an anonymous video channel called The Sexpert as a side hustle to make up for my low-paying marketing job at Le Man Magazine seemed like a perfectly sensible career decision. Until we went viral, my boss accused my anonymous personality of stealing his idea, and now my super sexy new boyfriend, Andrew, is out to get me. Her. Me. Whatever. ANDREW I don’t want it to be her. I do not want this… sweet, delicious, shy social media nerd working at my best friend’s magazine to be the face behind those perky cupcakes on the Sexpert channel. I don’t want it to be her… because I like her. A lot. She’s funny, and quirky, and smart, and creative… and… I really, really like her. It just can’t be her. But it is. More info →


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